One For The Road
by RoseRelease
Summary: It's dangerous to let Roy bargain-bin shop on his own. You never know what book he might just find at the bottom of that barrel — and take along for the ride. Joyfire. (Warning: Brief sexual references.)


_A/N: This fic is for robinless on Tumblr, who I shared a silly Roy related headcanon with about a year or so ago about Roy being really into dramatic readings. (Dramatic readings liiiiike the one you can find on YouTube on a book caalled "Sandra Hill's Rough and Ready".) But then I tried to write something like that into fic form and it turned into something else, so oops!_

* * *

The first thing Jason said when he spotted Roy walking out of the gas station convenience store – with a plastic bag full of snacks in one hand and a thick, worn paper back in the other – was, "Christ, not this shit again."

Roy waved the paperback to and fro in the air, his eyes bright and smile wide as he approached the car. "You guys will never believe what I found!"

Kori poked her head out of the rolled down backseat window. "Is it jellybeans?"

"N—well, actually, yeah. Hold that thought!" Roy tucked the paperback under his armpit and dug through the plastic bag until he unearthed a large bag of colourful, assorted jellybeans. He handed it to Kori with a wink. "Heeere you go, princess. One bag of delicious, colourful candy, as per request."

Kori grinned and immediately tore the bag open.

"Lemme guess," Jason said, eyeing the suspicious paperback with narrowing eyes, "you found _another_ bargain bin of books and you _graciously_ took it upon yourself to do a little digging."

Jason didn't like the way Roy looked at him, like there was a joke he wasn't getting but would soon enough. "It's like you can read minds, Jaybird. Behold," he held out the paperback for the two of them to see, "our entertainment for the evening!"

It looked harmless enough. But that was the "beauty" of the whole thing, really. Everyone always underestimated the melodrama of a romance cover.

Like then, and every time after, the cover of this book bore the same iconic image of your average romance-erotica novel: warm colours that spoke of passion, with two conventionally attractive white models as the focal point of the piece. The woman, clothed in a revealing dress that half-hung off her pale, delicate-looking shoulders, literally swooned in the man's strong, beefy arms as if she were about to pass out from – Jason had no idea – the intensity of their pure, earth-shaking, universe-altering love? Their thick and lustrous hair blew in what had to be a light breeze, and hovering above the couples heads like a halo was the title and author's name in some ridiculously fancy and shiny gold font. The pages themselves were even somewhat yellowed with age; the paperback had to been twenty years old, maybe even older.

Jason made a face.

Kori's eyes lit up the moment she looked the cover over. She read aloud, "_A tale of True Love and Woe and Fantastic Time Travel_. Oh no, Roy, you did _not_."

"Did so. You up for a little light reading, Princess?"

"If it is anywhere near as entertaining as your last reading, then yes, absolutely."

Jason groaned. Loudly.

With a raise of his arm and a flick of his wrist, Roy reached out to lightly bop the top of the book against Jason's head. It was quickly intercepted by Jason's hand, which only half-blocked the unamused look he shot Roy's way.

"Awww, come on, Jaybird. Learn to live a little, why don'tcha? At the very least this will help pass the time. I don't remember you hating the last one."

"You did appear to enjoy yourself before," Kori mused aloud as she popped a couple jellybeans into her mouth. "Does this form of entertainment embarrass you? There's nothing to be ashamed of, Jason—"

"I'm not embarrassed by it," Jason blurted, his cheeks suddenly warmer than they were before. "I just want to be able to drive across the country in peace and quiet. Listening to you try and read aloud moans exactly as they're written is the opposite of that."

Roy snorted. "Man, did you ever pick the wrong crowd to buddy-up with then. What were you expecting, dude? I can't nap the _entire_ way. The hell kinda road trip would this be if I slept through all of it?"

"A good one," Jason deadpanned.

Immediately Roy attempted to bop Jason on the head with the book once more, albeit with a bit more force than before. Jason just dodged the attack and was about to grab the damn thing out of Roy's hand and huck it across the street when Kori's raised her voice and stopped them both in their tracks.

"That's _enough_, boys. We have a schedule to keep and I don't want to sleep another night in the car if we don't have to, so can we please wrap this up and get back on the road?"

Roy shuffled in place and Jason glanced to the side, not at all pouting at the situation he was stuck with.

Silently they filed into the car, Roy in the back seat beside Kori (for he insisted something about it being comfier, which Jason only half-bought) and Jason in the driver's seat.

Jason had only just turned the engine on and got it running to a nice, healthy purr when Roy leaned over and lightly patted Jason's shoulder.

"It's okay, Jay. If it really ends up bugging you, I'll stop and save it for later."

Jason blew some hair out of his eyes. "... Thanks. I guess."

"Anytime." His hand still on Jason's shoulder, Roy began to lightly rap his finger tips. "Though, y'know, I have a feeling you'll like this one. There's something about this book that I think you'll really enjoy."

Jason glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at Roy. "And what, pray tell, is that?"

There was that look again, the return of an unspoken joke. It didn't help that the smile Roy gave was far too eager for Jason's liking.

"Oh, y'know," Roy said with a simple shrug of his shoulders, "just a threesome."

* * *

One can only drive a car with furiously watering eyes for so long before the driver is forced to pull over in an attempt to regain control of their tear ducts. Under normal circumstances, Jason would have been royally pissed that they had been derailed yet again by something so foolish, that he could hardly drive without the very real possibility of losing focus and driving their rental straight into a ditch.

But this was anything but normal – as far as Jason understood – and the laughter hurt too good for him to care right then and there.

He clapped a hand over his mouth and bit down on the soft skin of his palm in an effort to calm himself. The novel was far from the most cringe-worthy thing Roy had ever read, but every now and then it elicited a sharp bark of laughter out of him like nearly nothing else in the world could. The plot was ridiculous, and the characters even more so. Tears still prickled the corner of his eyes from the near endless laughter, and his stomach and ribs clenched painfully from exhaustion.

Every now and then Kori let out a soft laugh, but she was a far calmer audience than Jason. Her bag of jellybeans had long since been devoured, the plastic bag lying forgotten on the car floor, and her hands were crossed loosely over her stomach as she lazed about as best she could in the limited space she had.

Somehow, before Jason had even realized it, the sky outside had darkened into night and Roy had read through most of the book, a good two hundred pages or so. And he had somehow done it all with a crystal clear – albeit somewhat theatrical – voice.

The crisp sound of a page turning drew Jason out of this thoughts and back to the story in Roy's hands.

"_Veronica,'"_ Roy read on, _"you can't possibly expect me to leave either of you here in this strange, dangerous time! If anything were to happen to you—_

"'_But it won't, Daniel!' Veronica declared, her hefty bosom heaving with rising emotion." _(Jason snickered.)_ "'I can take care of myself, you know that. And I won't be alone, William will be at my side. I'll be all right until you return to me.'_

"'_To us,' William clarified with a stern face. But past the sternness of his expression, both Veronica and Daniel could see the rise of the same emotions in him as well, as if he were secretly being swept up by the same tide."_

Kori let out a soft sound and shifted position in her seat, turning and throwing her legs over Roy's lap. The motion didn't disturb Roy's pace – he kept right on reading, though he did temporarily disengage a hand to give her a leg a light pat. Kori let out a soft sound of contentment. Then her eyes met Jason's for a moment; she smiled softly at him, skin crinkling around the edges of her eyes, and then she shifted once more to rest her head on the back of her seat.

Roy continued on, his voice suddenly starting to take on a more sombre tone. _"'The next thing Daniel knew, tears were flooding his eyes and threatening to rain down. He rubbed furiously at his reddening face. He hadn't cried since the day he had lost his dear, sweet sister, and he did not plan to start now. Not in front of the two people who had risked everything they had to save his pitiful life, when it had been his fault that they were stuck in the future to begin with._

'_And now it was his fault that they wold be left behind._

'_But it seemed that neither Veronica nor William held that against him, though he was uncertain as to how they couldn't, for they both reached out to him. Veronica's hand cupped his jaw, and William's placed itself firmly on his back._

'_If it is convincing you need,' Veronica said in a hushed voice, soft like the gentle caress of her hand._

'_Then it is convincing you'll get,' William finished for her._

'_Daniel nodded despite the denial that bubbled up inside of him. His eyes fell closed as the Veronica and Daniel leaned…"_

Roy stopped, thumb pressed on the page he had left off at as he closed the paperback and sat it down on his lap.

Crickets chirruped loudly outside. There was a momentary flash of yellow light that illuminated the darkness as a lone car drove past them and continued down the road, leaving them with the dull light of the car once more.

And yet Roy still didn't resume reading.

Jason waved a hand in front of Roy's face. "Heeellooooo, earth to Roy, come in Roy."

Slowly, Roy lifted his gaze off of his lap and glanced at them both. His eyes looked… watery? "Sorry," he said. He cleared his throat. "I, uh. Shit was getting a little too real for me. Mind if I take a break for a while?"

"Of course," Kori replied without missing a beat. "The story certainly wasn't what I was expecting. I think I prefer this to the last one you read." She nodded her head towards Jason. "Seems you enjoy this one too, yes?"

"Well," Jason said with a loud coughed, "my ears aren't bleeding, so I guess that's a sign that it's not horrible."

Roy smirked. "You're a shitty liar."

"And you're getting emotional over fictional characters."

"Ha! Deflect all you want, you'retotally loving this. Hell, I'm loving this! This stuff is great, man."

"It is quite delightful," Kori said with an appreciative sigh. "It is a joy to see that some humans can take delight in sharing such unbridled tales with others. It reminds me a little of some of the erotic tales that we share on Tamaran."

Roy blinked. He then blurted out, "Okay, wow, you need to share some of those stories with us, like, ASAP. Y'know, for learning and cultural exchange purposes."

Kori brushed a few locks of hair out of her face. "Of course. Perhaps later tonight, if you are feeling up to it."

"Always, princess."

… Well, that was that, Jason supposed. He stretched his back as best he could in the small space provided between his seat and the steering wheel, cringing at the sharp twinge of pain that came from sitting backwards in the front seat for a good couple hour or two. A glance at the dashboard clock told him that it was far too late to cover any more significant distance, and the sudden yawn that escaped him signified the toll the late hour and long day of driving had taken on him.

Kori yawned as well. "I suppose this means we're going to be sleeping in the car again?"

Jason nodded. "'Fraid so, princess."

Roy picked a receipt from off the floor and used it as a make-shift bookmark. "At least it's not raining this time. Maybe we could camp outdoors."

"Better idea: you can sleep outdoors on all those sticks and rocks and without proper camping equipment, and we'll sleep in the car with the only good blanket we have, since i_someone/i_ had to go and spill crap all over the other one."

"Ruuuude. I said I'd clean it at the first Laundromat we find! See if I ever read to you again."

"I have a _better_ idea," Kori said with a soft '_boys, please'_ sigh. With a curl of her finger, she gestured for Jason to come closer. "How about we just do what we did last time and share the backseat. It will be a little cramped, but it is better than waking up to morning dew and bugs, yes?"

Jason shrugged. "Maybe." At the look Kori gave him, he rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. "Okay, fiiiine. Scoot over, I'm coming in."

Kori and Roy did just that, both of them shuffling over to their respective sides to allow for Jason to slowly but surely crawl his way into the backseat, turn around, and then actually sit down in-between them.

"Wow, that wasn't super difficult." Jason squirmed in his seat. Backseats were not made for giant ex-Robins, that was for sure. "Fuck. My back is gonna love me tomorrow."

Roy messed around with the seat in front of him until he got it to move forward, giving them a little more leg room to work with. He gestured for Kori to do the same.

"Yeah, well, still better than bugs," he said as he grabbed their only blanket from under floor and draped it over the three of them. "Or so you guys say, I don't think they're that bad."

"Perhaps not, but I still prefer this option." Kori let out another yawn and turned so that she was curled up against Jason's side. Even through their clothes, he could feel the sun-powered heat of her body warming him up. Jason wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Yeah, much preferable to outdoors.

"What time is it?" he asked.

Roy squinted at the clock on the dash. "… Ten o'clock? Aw, man. That's way too early to go to bed. I vote we play games."

"Like what?"

"Um. I Spy?"

"Ew, no."

"… Shit. I don't know any other car games."

Jason snorted. "Too bad for you, then. I'm not playing anything until you come up with something _good_."

Roy huffed. He lightly tapped his foot against the bottom of the seat in front of him. "Well, we could always just make out.

"Harper, n—"

"_Or_ go all the way. Hey! What if we roleplayed the characters from the book—"

Jason made to grab the paperback off of Roy's lap, but as if sensing Jason's evil intentions, Roy jolted backwards and slapped at Jason's hand. The next thing Jason knew he was wrestling Roy in the extremely limited space they had, and Kori was jolted awake and suddenly getting in the middle of everything. One of them, Jason wasn't sure who, might have laughed and pinched someone else in a place too 'rude' for public. But screw it, they were in a car in the middle of who-fucking-knew. And if any cards drove by at that time of night and saw their car rocking gently side-to-side – for one reason or another – than they were smart enough to keep right on driving.


End file.
